First, let’s say that getting to know Oprah’s staff and how they do their job is really part of the fun about the Oprah Behind the Scenes Season 25 show. Sheri Salata, after today’s Virgin discussion…well…just read on. And Jack Mori…What can I say…I like Jack…but I don’t know Jack…
So first, we take a meeting in Oprah’s office and her executive assistant, Novana (what a great name) brings in some glasses for virgin bloody mary’s…how about virgin margaritas people? Hello……and where are the chips and guacamole? What a boss!
Let’s talk about the legend in the building. The great Liza Minnelli….you know… Liza…Cabaret….Judy Garland’s daughter…Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz…OMG….already, I’m hyperventilating and I’m only writing the recaps! The show goes through the rehearsal and the taping of the show. Now enter Bridgette, Co-Producer and star whisperer extraordinaire, who reminds me of a wonderful friend of my little sister’s who is fearless, funny, beautiful and bright. Instantly, I like her and I’m wondering what kind of whispering is going to happen with Liza. There has to be something….right? So…here’s the scoop. Liza with a Z is singing and stepping it up for Ms. O. The goal is to get a medley of some of her classic hits down to around 3 ½ minutes. The reality is that Liza really wants to sing one song well…and whispers to the star whisperer that she is a little tired of singing “New York, New York.” What is Bridgette to do? Fear not…the star whisper works her magic and Liza is singing “NY, NY,” with high marks and hi-kicks!
Also…we get an inside glimpse of Z’s star requests….a star with her name on the door…the room chilled to a cool 65 degrees…diet coke, water….sounds pretty reasonable for a legend and a legend’s daughter. I wonder what my star requests would look like…virgin margaritas, chips and guacamole maybe? Anyway, as they review the interview questions just before she goes out for the taping, Liza whispers…”no questions about husband #4.” You know, DG…the David…him. It’s clear it’s not a place she wants to go. But, Oprah knows it’s not a complete interview if you don’t talk about the elephant in the room….so…Oprah asks so respectfully, about what she has learned through her 4 marriages….and what it has taught her….was the last marriage painful….and Liza high-steps around it. It’s a win-win because everyone stayed true to themselves. In the end, that’s the most important. Being the best you…right?
So…can you be the best you if you are a 30 year old virgin? Or is something wrong with you? Oprah’s producers, Lisa M. and Sheri S., who pitched the story idea are selling that it’s not normal to be 30 and a virgin. As Sheri said from the corner chair, “It’s humiliating.” Did you really mean that? I am totally with Oprah and I’m not buying the topic. This is NOT a shift in thinking…Oprah, you should have gone with your gut…you KNOW this. This Oprah show from back in October is actually one of the unwatched on my Tivo. The only reason it’s not deleted is Oprah.
So, here are the questions that I ask as a viewer and as representing the viewer after seeing this Behind the Scenes show. Why is it a big deal to be a virgin at 30? What are you saying if you devote an hour long show to this? What are you telling women? “Respect yourself, respect your body and respect your values – until you reach a certain age and then, there is something wrong with you and it’s humiliating so you should go have sex with someone and then, you won’t be such a freak? Would it be a show that you would do…say if it was a man who was a 30 year old virgin? Why is there such a stigma on women and their sexual connection…and their overall value? Do we assume that these women are not sexually connected or that something is wrong with them because they are not having sex?
So…from this Behind the Scenes show we see that you set them up on dates….question if they know how to flirt or maybe need some practice at it…have a doctor assign them “masturbation homework.” REALLY? I get how the outcome shows me that it’s really about a woman and her connection to her own sexual identity and her own self worth….and I heard Oprah proclaim at the end that it was a success….but I think she was being a kind boss. Oprah – your instinct was right. You should have listened to it. Sheri – I still think that you were off. Maybe if I watch the show I will change my mind…but I’m still not buying it from this behind the scenes view. If anything, its sparked great and heated discussion…about how Oprah was right…and her team was wrong on the topic. Sorry guys, but just my opinion. Down from the soap box. Whew!
Finally, we had the “you seem gayer than the last time” discussion. Oprah’s Head of PR, Lisa H., called to discuss removing a question from a taped interview because it might offend some gay people. Oprah clarifies her intention…that what she meant to say to the openly gay man is that “you have obviously come out and you are feeling the ability to be your authentic self.” Was it offensive? A spontaneous office poll of gay people starts weighing in on the comment. Carlos King, a Behind the Scenes Producer, comes in to represent the gay man point of view. Was it offensive? Yes. “It’s offensive because you are saying being gay is an accent…and by him being more feminine is why he is gayer. It’s like saying “you seem blacker today”. It implies that gay is an accent and not who you are as a human being. Your accents do not determine your sexuality.” Wow….he was articulate and well spoken. Honest and sincere. Man…he did well representing the discussion….Instantly, I liked him. So, what was the final result? The gay contingency in the building convinced Oprah to remove the comment. A reasonable boss who listens to her staff…in this case…I think it was the right move.
So…the things I learned this week on BTS: Season 25?
- To be a great star whisperer, you have to pretend the star is not a star.
- Oprah should listen to her gut and her instincts like she has told us to do for so many years.
- Gayer is not really a word.
As an American woman, I feel embarrassed that the rest of the world was told that we value ourselves so little that we have to prove things to others so that we do not have a stigma assigned to us. Really?
OK. So media encourages young girls to be sexy at 12 years of age and to dress and act in ways to please their partners. OK. Who wrote those rules and who are they written for? Hummmm. I don’t think they were written to help young women to “Be their best selves.”
Oprah was right. Women all over the world watch her show. And many believe that being their best selves is to wait until marriage, not be promiscuous, and to honor their bodies and their spirit. Are they all freaks too? That’s the message. I agree with you. I don’t like that Oprah did not go with her gut. She was right on. It is honorable for young women to be discrete and choosy with whom and when they decide to be intimate. Young women should be told that being your best self is not listening to what others say, but to do “what they know is best for them.”
One of my favorite saying is “What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular.” Oprah’s team was way off on this show. I feel bad that when they received the letters from those women they did not do a show on “Feel good about your self and don’t let others who judge you rob you of your peace and happiness.” Oprah had a chance to say “There is nothing wrong with you” but she choose to let her staff tell the women that they were not normal and that they were worth less.” That’s not what I expected from Oprah. But I’m giving her a pass on this one. I know she is crazy busy and tired getting her new network off and running………………. but I hope she remembers that if she hesitates or has doubts, then it means “don’t.” She taught me that!