The last time Efrem Graham spoke to his father, Charles he was only 12 years old. Efrem has a prominent job as a television reporter and news anchor, a wonderful marriage of 13 years and two wonderful children…yet something is missing in his life. His father.
Out buying his son a soccer ball one day, his son asked him where his father was. Just out of nowhere. This conversation left Efrem thinking about his father. He promised himself that he was going to find his father. Although he noted his greatest fear was that it may be too late, Efrem struggled with how he would feel if his father passed up on the opportunity to connect. He would be angry.
His father had made little contact with him over his life. He relived a story of when he was 5 years old. His father had called him and introduced himself as his father. He proceeded to tell him that he was coming to meet him and would take him to Coney Island. His father never showed. The last time Efrem saw him he had just been accepted into the best private school and he asked his father to help. His father told him he would think about it and he left. Luckily his grandmother was there for him…introducing him to God. This strength allowed him to become “somebody special”.
After Pam searched for several weeks and found him. He is alive but she can’t get a hold of him. Pam asked Efrem if he will be alright if he sees him or if he doesn’t. Efrem says yes, but all of his non-verbal signs scream NO! Pam senses it and worries for him. Pam sent him back to Jersey City to deal with some of his pain. He seemed to refocus and find strength in the trip. In the meantime, Pam got a hold of his father. He wants to hear from Efrem.
Efrem hoped his father felt some regret and that this would be a new beginning. As he waited to call (his father was working late), Efrem decided to drive by his father’s house. I was thinking “not a good idea” at this point. Hoping that he wasn’t out front. It was possible that his father was home but trying to gather his OWN strength before talking to his son. He stood in the street staring at his father’s home…all of it was coming together for him. It was soon time for him to call his father. The phone rings…and no answer. I was so worried his father wouldn’t show. 20 minutes later, Efrem tries again and his father answers. He tells him that he is around the corner and would like to come see him. His father is married and his wife wouldn’t be happy about that. Apparently he was married when he had an affair with Efrem’s mother.
Efrem stood on the street corner waiting for his father. I felt so horrible for him. I recalled a time that I waited for my father and he never showed. I sat on the curb for almost an hour before my mother called me in. I had a dad with bad priorities…but he has a dad that seems all messed up. Efrem waited 45 minutes and his father never showed. He called his wife and asked if she felt he should go to his door. I wish he would have called PAM!!! She would know what to do, but I think he already knew what she would have said. He went to the door and knocked.
He did it and his father came out. A confrontation that I am sure both of them had worried about. Charles, his father, was so focused on his wife’s feelings. I am sure in part because he didn’t know what to say. Efrem handled it with such grace and dignity. He told his father he forgave him and loved him…that he was his father. That seemed to allow Charles to release a bit of uncertainty. It ended with Charles telling Efrem to call him on his “family” (but really it is the secret) phone. He honestly appeared to want Efrem in his life.
Efrem reflected on how he was proud that he knocked on the door and “injected a little pain” into his father’s life so that he would talk to him. Here I was worried that Efrem may not be able to handle this and his wisdom and insight amazed me. “I deserve it and I deserve my father and I am willing to accept him in whatever state he is in because he is my father” Efrem calmly states as he stands at the end of his father’s block. The same block he had been stood up on a few hours ago. I am amazed. Through Efrem’s gift of forgiveness and love, he and his father found a way to be in each others lives. They have stayed in touch and Efrem has even met his OWN half-brother.
I must admit I had an “O moment” with this episode. I was so worried about Efrem’s feelings that I had wanted him to leave. I am so glad that he knocked on that door. Even if it had turned out poorly, he deserved to be seen and heard. Thank you for teaching me that today, Efrem. I hope wonderful days are ahead for you and your family.