by paula on December 5, 2012
Last night, OWN premiered the second season of Dr. Laura Berman’s show, In the Bedroom. Absent for more than a few months now, Dr. Berman has always been direct and open about talking about relationships and sex and gives a little edge to the network. A show that hits the 10pm time slot in most locations means you are watching in the dark and depending on where you are in your life, the lessons that you need to see will show up. Relationships and communication are the foundation of all relationships – sexual or otherwise. If you can connect and talk about it, that’s where the work is. Tonight, Dr. Berman reminded us of this very fundamental lesson.
Last night, Dr. Berman introduced us to a couple, Mario and Chanda, who have some emotional barriers that need to come down before he can say, “I do” and before she says, “I’m done.” In the Bedroom takes us beyond the sexual relationship of the couple and into the core connection…leaving us with a simple lesson – listen to the people that you love in your life AND tell the people in your life what you need. When you really listen with an open heart, you are loving. It’s that simple. Simple ingredients that sometimes we all have a tough time counquering. It’s the little intricacies that make up that personal connection – and like any communication channel, it’s a two way conversation…even if there is nothing coming back…that’s still communication.
In Dr. Berman fashion, she assigns “homework” to focus on each other and bring the couple closer together and doesn’t hold back with being direct and honest. In the real world, Dr. B would have months to work with these couples. In the TV world, she has hours. However, the lessons captured in this episode and the real journey that this couple traveled offered the same path. Focus. Communication. Fix yourself. Move forward. Know what you want. Be loving. All of this and more… Welcome back Dr. B. We’ve missed your lessons. We know that they are “couple’s focused” and sometimes they REALLY ARE couple’s focused, but this episode reminded us that communication and connections are deeper than words. You have to get into the heart…and you have to open up yours to let others in.
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by paula on July 25, 2011
To catch us up on Dr. Laura Berman…she’s still taking calls and talking about anything and everything. A little behind on the recaps, I’ve decided to double up from this week and last week’s class. Always interesting, Dr. B talks about things that I could only probably talk about on a “girl’s weekend” with all my closest friends as we drink margaritas at the beach… Apparently, it’s STILL good to be having these conversations…so thank goodness for Dr. B because she’ll talk about ANYTHING. Dr. B just says it… Any show with a disclaimer…will probably make me blush…but not her. I might…you might too. Onto my notes…
Here are the discussion topics: [read more…]
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by paula on June 30, 2011
Making intimacy a priority, Dr. Berman is ready to take us on an intimate journey…and talk about sex. While she’s not afraid to get into any conversation…I often find myself thinking, “Who is she? Wow…I wonder what life was like for her growing up.” Imagining that it was probably normal, I’m just curious what makes someone so comfortable and direct and open and honest about everything that has to do with sex, love and passion to be able to just…well…say it all? This week, the topic is all about orgasms. *gasp* Here are the highlights…
- What’s the mystery? How does it all work?
- The key to a woman’s sexual satisfaction is more about the intimacy and connection with the person that she is with…and less about the orgasm.
- The female orgasm is a little harder to achieve than the male orgasm.
- For women…4 minutes with self stimulation…and 20 minutes with a partner.
- Women faking it…What’s wrong with faking it? Overtime…he thinks what he’s doing is working…when it isn’t. Spells trouble.
- Over 70% of women fake orgasms. Yes…men can fake too…because men are under major pressure to achieve orgasm.
- Talking types, techniques and toys with your partner
- Just some notes…Men take 7 1/2 minutes to reach orgasm. Women take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm.
- What is an orgasm? An intense contraction and release of muscle tension. For anyone who wants better O’s…do the kegel homework.
- One guarantee that you will not reach orgasm – stress about having an orgasm.
- Turn ons…and turn offs. Apparently cleanliness and consideration will totally turn on your sex partner. Also, gas and ugly gowns made the list too.
As we work through the hour, we arrive to the “We Disagree” segment with Michelle and Robert…and the discussion is ”Guys Night Out.” She’s jealous that he doesn’t give her the same energy and playfulness…and Dr. Berman gives them homework – carve out 3 or 4 hours a week to go and do something playful. But what will we talk about? Dr. Berman says go to a comedy club or a concert…or do some thoughtful homework before the date…and talk about those. Revisit…and rediscover.
Finally, a study from Florida State University…when men spent time with women who were ovulating…they found her more attractive. One exception…men who were in committed relationships were not likely to find those women any more attractive than other women. Ahhhhhh….let’s here it for the married men. Onto life…
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by paula on June 29, 2011
Since the beginning of Dr. Berman on OWN, we’ve seen it go through some changes. Now, into the 2nd season, we’ve dropped the “In the Bedroom” lead in for the title and we’ve turned to a simple on the street and radio call in format. For the most part, this newer style works a little more. While it’s reminiscent of an Oprah radio show meets Howard Stern (only for the young sidekick and since the show is taped and aired on cable tv), it has it’s own flavor… As we settle in a little more, I’m a little suprised to say…it’s interesting. It’s like watching a radio call in talk show…oh…and on topics that would make most people blush. So, here are some of the topics from this week.
- With Social Networking…cheating and infidelity in the new generation of technology.
- With Infidelity – the primary factors that must be present in the decision of should I stay or should I go? – Both people in the relationship must be invested and willing to do the work and the ability to communicate and openness to receive the feedback.
- Rules for couples who use Social Networking
- Uncovering clues about your relationship. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
- The fantasy of ‘reforming the cheater’ because you are too lovable to be cheated on…it never works out. Cheaters are unavailable people.
- YOUR own values and how that impacts how you feel about your own sexuality
- Letting go of childhood messages about sex and redefining it as you get older…
Adding at the end the new segment “we disagree,” Dr. Berman still gets her face time with helping a couple via Skype settle a disagreement…usually of a sexual nature. This week it’s the old disagreement of “who should initiate sex.” It’s meant to be helpful…but sometimes almost looks painful for the Skypers. Brave brave souls…
Finally…we end with a little bite of research. Did you know that the biggest predictor of cheating is the level of confidence that you have about yourself? Apparently, people in positions of power tend to have more confidence…and that confidence is what makes them more likely to cheat. So…here’s to all those people with lower self esteem and lower confidence levels…some good news! Onto life…
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by paula on June 14, 2011
While admittedly, I feel a little “dirty” turning on OWN’s Monday night lineup…I have to say that sometimes I actually walk away from Dr. Berman thinking…”sex, love, passion…you are right…YOU’RE just not afraid to talk about it…and maybe we shouldn’t be either.” Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, my mouth drops open and stays that way for the whole hour. But…if you learn one thing from each show or if it changes one thing in your life or how you feel about something, then it’s worthwhile.
Tonight, Dr. Berman is keeping with the ‘call in’ format like last week and talking fantasies…if you want to hear them, YOU need to turn the channel to OWN and watch the show. But here is a few general take aways. [read more…]
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by paula on June 12, 2011
Each week, Dr. Laura Berman takes us “In the Bedroom” on her show on OWN…to tackle intimacy, communication, and relationship challenges. Each week a couple opens their lives, their hearts and their bedrooms to show us how they are saving their relationship…OK…well, usually they do this. But this week, Dr. Laura B. has spiced it up…and it leaves me asking, “Really? Do I want to spend an hour hearing this?” Well…it is a bit entertaining, sometimes shocking, sometimes informational. Just sayin. Here are some highlights of what was discussed. Get ready…
- Spanking? How to bring this up? Hmmm….
- Ooops…Vomiting during oral sex.
- Pocket dialing someone during sex…YIKES…to mom…YIKES…who listened to her 18 year old daughter having sex with her boyfriend…OH NO! but mom was cool…but talk about AWKWARD!
- Got my period in the middle of sex. ICK!
- Kitten attacked husband during sex. Talk about killing the moment…
- Masturbation Masturbation Masturbation – and Dr. B. tells us all of it’s natural benefits and cures and everything else…
- Ovulation, Pheromones and Testosterone
- Urinating during sex…oh my…
- Sexual orientation commitment…in the dark…I am …in the daylight…I’m not.
Thanks Dr. Berman…for being so open to answering all of these questions from these callers and without even flinching. You truly kept your “Dr. Face” on…and let me just end this by saying OMG…what discussions…but as one guy on the street said, “As long as it’s consensual, it’s not blundering.” “There just moments…we all have them,” Dr. B says. “Not a big deal…just don’t let it be a big deal.”
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by paula on March 29, 2011
Dr. Laura is on her way to help a couple who are dealing OCD – Becca, 39, and Dennis from Antigo, Wisconsin. Dr. Laura tells us that Obsession Compulsive Disorder – OCD – effects more than 2% of the population and many times, it has to do with cleanliness or with unrealistic fears. Becca tells us that OCD became part of her life at around age 22…and it just got bigger and bigger in her life…and became a bigger and bigger problem in the relationship. Dennis says, “Everything is at stake.” They need Dr. Laura.
Dr. Laura asks Becca about the kitchen…and Dennis says, “We do have a 5 second rule,” for anything that may drop on the ground, but Becca tells Dr. Laura that she washes her hands at least 50 to 100 times a day. Dr. Laura sits down to understand their relationship a little more. Dennis wants to be able to make an emotional connection the way they used to when they were younger. They have sex 1 every month or every 2 months…and Dennis has given up asking. Becca says she wants more romance…and not to feel like a piece of meat. Dennis wants sex. Dr. Laura says they need to get the connection back…and she sits down with Becca alone to talk about the OCD. “At 22, I contracted the Herpes virus,” Becca says. “I was very sick, sores all over…I felt like damaged goods.” [read more…]
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by paula on March 23, 2011
Dr. Laura Berman is helping people make things a little spicier this episode. “Mix things up” is what Dr. Laura suggests. Robot mode, uninspired, and unresponsive…are some of the words we are hearing about this week’s brave couple. Kim, 40 and Jeff, 42, married 8 years from Lockport, Illinois.
Early in the relationship, Jeff would take the time to set the tone…and it’s a lot different today. Jeff’s mother was diagnosed with lung cancer…and as he was taking care of him mom, Kim felt like they were living separate lives. “All of him emotions went to her, and I was left behind,” says Kim. Jeff wishes Kim had been a little more connected with what he was going through. They are no longer connected as a couple…they both feel it. “Our relationship is not working,” Kim says. “I always have a bag packed. I don’t want to be a divorced parent, but I don’t want to be in an unhappy marriage.”
Dr. Laura arrives and starts working on getting the history down of the couple. Kim proclaims that she is a horrible communicator. “Communication means conflict,” Kim says. Planned sex happens twice a month….and a lack of emotion and very robotic is how they describe their sex lives. Kim’s withholding oral sex…and Jeff’s withholding kissing and cuddling. It’s been going on since Jeff’s mom passed away…and Jeff is still hurt by Kim not being there when his mom passed away. As they talk to Dr. Laura, it’s clear that some of these things have not been touched on before….there is a clear lack of connection… [read more…]
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