Some days I just want to stay inside. Inside the comfort of my office looking out the window at the morning waking up. Watching as the day turns to night. Just watching. Not interfering.
At the trees swaying gently in the breeze. At my laughing Buddha staring back at me. Stay within my four walls safe from harm. Safe from the pandemonium that is called life.
Sometimes I just want to sit and stare out and not worry about life’s responsibilities. Just shut them off for the day and write and write and write. Until I can’t write anymore.
Some days I just want to sit and look out the window and listen to the sound of the birds incessant chirping. The roosters cock–a-doodling. The leaves rustling in the breeze. And just listen. Without thinking.
Sometimes I don’t want to move. Stay exactly where I am and just be as I am. Not worrying about what I look like. Not trying to direct my thoughts or my feelings. Just letting them flow out of me in any way they want. Not trying to analyze them . Not trying to filter them. Not trying to understand them or change their direction. Sometimes I just want to be as I am where I am.
Sometimes I want to escape into my head and just let life idly pass me by without worrying that I am missing anything or anyone. I just want to sit and be as I am with no change. As I am.
Sometimes I just want to be me as I am. And then as I sit, the longer I sit, I realize I am as I am and it is up to me to embrace that fact and live as I am. Unfiltered. Unchanged. Unobstructed. And then I will see and understand I am that woman looking back at me in the mirror. I am her and she is me. I am as I am all the time and it is up to me to be me wherever I am. Not just in the comfort of my office. Not just in the comfort of my home. But everywhere that I go because only then will I understand and accept I am as I am wherever I am.
***About Catherine Duffy – A woman in search of truth. A wife trying to love unconditionally. A mother trying to raise good citizens. A writer bursting through. Enjoying life’s journey. Catherine can be found @duffy_catherine and on her blog from Bermuda · http://bermudacat.blogspot.com.