I’ve lost my writing voice. I’m sure that many writers have been down this road. There are no words…literally. I have so much to do…so much to write. It’s not that I have nothing to say. It’s that sometimes I have too much to say. And with too many words, I tune out. Today, I’m tuning back in.
Eight years ago, I left the loudness of Silicon Valley and traded it in for the quiet that I now call home. New home, six miles from award winning beaches, a safe gated community…. When people would come to visit, they would tell me that I lived in paradise. I looked around and couldn’t always see it. Now, I can. What’s changed? I guess I have…and my perspective.
When I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s, I was chasing life. After surviving a broken heart that felt like it broke my life, I threw myself into 60 hour work weeks and then, fell into the arms of friends and fun. I wished for an exciting job with travel and the world responded as I lived out of a suitcase for few years, mapping out my travels as desired with a pre-packed suitcase that never really got put away. I don’t remember many moments stopping to relax unless it involved a trip to the spa or a last minute weekend getaway.
Then…something changed. Truth be told, 9/11 happened and I found myself shaken awake. Late in the evening on 9/9, my mother’s brother died. Not her favorite brother. Actually, the mean brother…but that’s not my story to tell. She called to tell me the news and on 9/10, we started making travel arrangements. We lived in California…on the West edge. Everyone else lived in the middle. So we made our flight arrangements…the first flight out on 9/11. At the last minute, we changed our plans and flew in on the red-eye…getting in somewhere between sunset and sunrise. I had only been asleep a couple of hours when I was awaken with the news. Life had changed.
So…I jumped off the life habitrail and began a new journey. It took a few years to stop chasing the adrenalin that had ruled my life for so long. Even with the move to Quietville, I was still unsettled…still chasing life. But somewhere in between all the non-noise around me I think I took a deep breath and the world settled. I settled. Life settled. And sometime over the last three years …I found that paradise that others saw on the outside of my world by getting quiet on the inside.
Yes, sometimes there are too many words. Sometimes living in quiet means that you refine what “noisy” is. Sometimes, there are too many words for this writer. But even when that comes, I am thankful. I may tune out for a bit but when I tune back in…the words spill out and overflow into my life…