A definition that Oprah holds close to her heart…one of forgiveness. “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be any different.” Mourning the “if onlys” only holds us all back from moving forward in our lives. Another lesson that all of us should be sharing with the world. Take a moment to remind yourself why forgiveness is so important in the journey to living your best life!
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Catherine Duffy
This weekend a friend and I were sending each other emails talking about where we are in life, where we thought we would be in life and where we would like to be in life. We met some thirteen years ago when we were at pivotal and transitional periods of our lives. When we became new mothers. When we changed our lives to become full time mothers. To understand what our new roles meant. To conquer motherhood as we had done in our pervious lives as corporate women.
We used to walk and talk for hours, pushing our boys, trying to right the Universe. Trying to understand where we were in our lives and what motherhood meant to us. We spent lots of time together talking philosophically about everything. She from England. She from a creative career. Me from Bermuda. Me from an analytical career. Two different women from two different cultures, backgrounds but brought together for a common cause to provide companionship to each other during a period of significant growth. To help each other. To direct each other. To contradict each other. To pick each other up.
She was in my life for three solid years. Then she left. Went back home. And though we stay in touch, it changes according to where we are in our lives. According to whether there is a need for us to be in each other’s live consistently or not. Lately we have been more in each other’s lives because we are on the cusp of something again. Something we can’t figure out. So once again we are fully immersed in each other – some ten years later. Living vicariously through each other. Challenging each other to be the best woman, mother, wife, friend, sister that we can. Sending each other long emails about life, people, opportunity, marriage, motherhood, psychology, spirituality. She in England. Me in Bermuda. Two different women from two different cultures brought together again to help each other grow.
On Mother’s Day we connected in a major way. Both of us confessing some pretty raw emotions to the other. Separated by distance. Brought together by technology. Hearts open. Souls bare. Because when we have true friendship we can ride the distance. We can ride the times when we are not in each other’s lives. We can ride the challenges we face.
For my birthday she sent me a book called Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of A Buddha by Tara Brach PH.D. I have to admit when I got the book, its title intimidated me. Scared me even. I love the concept of Buddha but to actually receive a book about it, I was afraid that if I read it and did not find the answers I needed I would be disappointed. So I put it to one side. On my night stand near me but I did not touch it. But for some reason after our exchange over the weekend I knew she had sent it to me for a reason. I knew she was back in my life for a reason. So last night I opened the book to a random page after asking the Universe a question. And this is how the Universe answered me through the book.
“The bodhisattva’s aspiration, “May my life be of benefit to all beings” is a powerful tool for remembering our belonging and widening the circles of our compassions. In resolving to help all suffering beings, the bodhisattva is not assuming a grandiose role or holding to some unreachable ideal. If we see ourselves as small and separate individuals trying to take on the world as our responsibility, we set ourselves up for delusion and failure. Rather, our aspiration to be of benefit arises from the radical realization that we all belong to the web of life, and that everything that happens within it affects everything else. Every thought we have, every action we take has an impact for good or for ill. An aboriginal woman from Australia speaks from this sense of relatedness in a powerful way: If you have come to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your destiny is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
“When we feel togetherness, there are countless ways to express our care. …While it is easy to get caught up in believing we should be doing something more or different, what really matters is that we care. As Mother Teresa teaches “We can do no great things – only small things with great love.”
And then I knew. And then I understood. The Universe is providing for me in every way. It is giving me direction and answers every single day. Just not in the way I imagined the answers would come but they are there. And I am important. I am here for a reason. I am playing a pivotal role in my life and the lives of others every single day just by caring. Just by being all that I am. And I cannot force anything. Cannot change fate. But I can be grateful, thankful for all that I have and I will continue to live out my life as a caring being. Doing small things with great love. And I am. And I shall.
This blog is dedicated to my dear sister friend from England who helped me to shift my consciousness. To retell my story. From a physical distance but in a spiritual closeness. Thank you sister friend. Thank you.
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About Catherine Duffy – A woman in search of truth. A wife trying to love unconditionally. A mother trying to raise good citizens. A writer bursting through. Enjoying life’s journey. Catherine can be found @duffy_catherine and on her blog from Bermuda · http://bermudacat.blogspot.com.
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Throughout my life, I’ve always tucked things away places and usually, I forget about them. Maybe it’s a bad habit that I got into many years ago or my subconscious simply placing notes and gifts to myself along the path of my life, knowing that someday, somewhere along the way, I’ll see them again. And my favorite hiding place for all of these gifts just happen to be books. I’m a huge book lover and early on, I adopted my own bookmark strategy. With each book, I try to pick up something meaningful to use to hold my place. I learned long ago that while “earmarking” the page with that little bend in the corner, using a sticky note or a boring bookmark to hold my spot may work for some people, I prefer to do it differently. I love books so much that I want to put love into them as well. So for years, memories of photos, ticket stubs, postcards and so much more have been tucked away amidst the pages of some of my favorites. Some, holding pages. Most, holding memories. Sprinkled mementos of something that touched my heart and that I don’t want to lose. So, into the pages they go…and when the book goes back to the shelf or gets stacked in the corner somewhere, usually so do the gifts.
Tonight, I picked up a book that I used to keep by my bedside and purchased during college. “A Guide for the Advanced Soul – A Book of Insight” by Susan Hayward. The cover told me to “Hold a problem in your mind. Open this book to any page and there will be your answer.” Like a little Magic 8 Ball made of paper, for years I found wisdom and comfort in having it close. So, tonight when I picked it up for the first time in a long time, unexpectedly a postcard dropped out. It was dated 2004 and from my cousin who died from breast cancer in 2005. We were like sisters and I’ve been thinking of her a lot. Suddenly, it felt like she was here all over again…telling me how proud she was of me and how she wished we could spend more time together. I felt for a moment that I could pick up the phone and call her. I started to cry. Everything happens for a reason. At that same moment when the tears just started to collect in the corner of my eyes, a sticky note fell out of the book. In a child’s 7 year old writing it said, “dear paula, please let me put my stinky feet in your bed. p.s. i love you.” Another gift. A note from my now teenage nephew, reminding me of how wonderful it has been to watch him be born and grow up and be a part of his life…and that even though he’s growing up, he is still that same little boy with a silly sense of humor who loved to leave sticky and was always looking for a sleepover party with his cool aunt and a long night of reading Harry Potter books. Looking a little more, I found a couple of old photos and a poem that the same cousin gave to me over 20 years ago….handwritten with care in bright pink pen. Secret messages tucked away just waiting for me to discover them again…all filled with magic to take me back to a memory of love.
After I took them out, I carefully put them back into the pages. The memories and love I felt when they just happened to drop out of the book was amazing. Tomorrow, I’ll call my aunt and share the story with her…that her only daughter who left too soon paid me a little visit. It should make her smile and laugh. And I’ll take the sticky note out and remind my little nephew who now stands above almost everyone in the family that his sticky note from almost 7 years ago is still so special to me. Someday, I will pick up the same book….long after I’ve forgotten what is in there and again and probably when I need to see it most…and I’ll feel the joy and magic that only hidden memories and messages of love can bring and it’s a habit that I highly recommend.
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As my mom gets older, like many other moms, there seems to be a sense of urgency in passing on her lessons. Whether she’s afraid she will forget them or simply feels unheard, her goal is to make sure her children have all the information they may need in life. Afraid that we may miss something, including her story, she takes any opportunity she can to get our attention and plant these seeds of wisdom. Within each lesson and story lies an amazing opportunity to get to know her better and by taking a few moments to listen, not only do we show her that we care but we also have the chance to fill our own cup with knowledge.
In honor of Mother’s Day, here are 12 lessons my mom has shared with me over the years:
Do you have a special lesson passed down to you? Please share it with all of us by leaving a comment.
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Meditation is more than finding peace and quite and twenty good minutes. Meditation is about slowing down and connecting with your inner spirit and the world. It’s about aligning and connecting the dots between your mind, body and soul. Experiencing the moment during the day where you are most present in your body and life is the most clear. But for those on the go who often live in the world of mult-tasking and over whelming to-do lists, here is an idea to help you find those moments and the peace and connection that meditation will bring to your life in three simple steps:
Today, find your one moment as you brush your teeth or wash your face or take a morning walk. Spend a few minutes and listen to your body and your senses. Make this your own meditation. Maybe you will find your own connection with your mind, body and spirit. Take the time. You are worth it.
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We often get consumed by our to-do lists forgetting to do the things that bring joy into our lives. Today make a list of 3 things you enjoy doing…and do at least one of them this weekend. By not making time to for yourself, you are telling yourself that you don’t matter. YOU MATTER.
My list….snuggle with the pups on Sunday morning, do a little photography and read from one of the books that I’ve been looking forward to. What’s on your list?
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For the dedicated or even the drop-in Lifeclass students around the world, Oprah’s Lifeclass series on OWN has been an awakening of what great television programming can offer. Simply, it can change your life. So, as we let the amazing lessons soak in to our own lives and root themselves deep into our foundation’s soil, we are thinking about the next seeds that Oprah’s Lifeclass will bring and what new things will grow along the way. Here are some of our suggestions about that we would like to see on the syllabus for Oprah’s next Lifeclass schedule and what kind of lessons we would like to help move out into the world and grow! We are ready for class…are you ready for these topics?
While the list of classroom topics that we have is endless, these are the ones that we thought could take students to the next level. No matter what the subjects that Oprah and her OWN team choose for the next lessons, we will be there with the rest of the world…taking the lessons and planting them in our own lives so that they may take root and grow strong in the world.
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During Super Soul Sunday, Deepak Chopra told all of us that there are 10 specific things we can do to change our age…and none of them require expensive creams or surgeries where we inject toxic diseases into our bodies. Even more than fighting the clock, we have the ability to live more peacefully. By following these ten “action steps” detailed by Deepak Chopra in his book, Grow Younger, Live Longer, we all can turn back the hands of time.
Here are his 10 suggestions:
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